Virtual Versus Real Marriage

Yesterday I met my second role play husband.

The first one was very handsome and had deep, dark eyes and dark hair and huge tattoos all over his mighty chest. His shoulders were broad and he always went without a shirt (that made me completely distracted most of the time with him). Oh yes, and he spoke French to me. Can never figure out what it is about that language that causes me to squirm, but it does. He was one of the most skilled builders in my virtual world and had the most impeccable manners and decorum. All in all, a perfect match for my bouncy, always-in-love-with-life personality.

The second one is definitely NOT as handsome or as enticing (but I will work on his presentation). His language is not French and he is certainly not tall enough. And, he wore his shirt firmly tucked in and a cloak to boot. So I have no idea of his body markings or the might of his chest (very important to me).

His language and conduct were excellent and he seemed to enjoy my attentions as his wife. But he has been away hunting in the forests for an extended time so might just have been "hungry". Nevertheless, he seemed to be able to adjust quickly to wearing proper clothing and to doting on me. (Our daughter, who has been off on a bit of an adventure or her own lately, returned to us.)

Then, I had marriage counselling yesterday for my forthcoming wedding. You see this weekend the Lady Sheridanne Kelley and the Lord Turner Singh plan to have their public ceremony (1 September 2007 - starting at 8:PM PST in Avilion Fae Gardens) to share this decision with more of their in-world friends. It is for sure none of our real life friends could give a stuff.

But the entire question of marriage in this virtual world is a can of worms for everyone else it seems, but especially for Lady Sheridanne.

The Virtual World Parameters

According to the people who run the virtual world I live in: “In this virtual world, couples can now make their relationships official. Whether you’re married in RL (real life) or just connected, you can designate your partner on your profile in-world and make your relationship visible to the rest of the community. Send your proposal to the avatar of your dreams using the form below. Partnering, like real life marriage, costs money. To create a partnership will cost each partner L$10. If you decide to divorce later, the person requesting the divorce will be charged L$25.” (the virtual world's database)

For the official record the virtual world is very careful to never use or sanction in anyway the ‘M’ word (marriage) but uses only the word ‘partnership’. Although one day who knows where this might go with this virtual world that now hosts almost 9 million people who spent just over a million US dollars a day in this virtual world.

In the Wall Street

I found an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about relationships and marriages in virtual worlds that said: “With some 30 million people now involved world-wide, there is mounting concern that some are squandering, even damaging their real lives by obsessing over their ‘second’ ones. That's always been a concern with videogames, but a field of study suggests that the boundary between virtual worlds and reality may be more porous than experts previously imagined."

Why does this grow increasingly important? Here's why:

“Nearly 40% of men and 53% of women who play online games said their virtual friends were equal to or better than their real-life friends, according to a survey of 30,000 gamers conducted by Nick Yee, a recent Ph.D. graduate from Stanford University. More than a quarter of gamers said the emotional highlight of the past week occurred in a computer world, according to the survey, which was published in 2006 by Massachusetts Institute of Technology Press's journal Presence.” – “Is This Man Cheating On His Wife?” -- By ALEXANDRA ALTER , WSJ, August 10, 2007; Page W1

My Virtual Big/Little Brother

So there is reality in this unreal world! Now I have a little brother in this virtual world (and like my real world brother he is actually a big brother cause he grew taller than I did for some reason, but you understand how much joy I get calling him “little” still). Anyway, my dear virtual Blood brother, who is also a real life pastor of a church, has an argument against 'marriage/partnerships' in the virtual world:

“Well my thinking on the subject is that there can be no separation in the concept of marriage between RL (real life) and the virtual world. God looks upon intentions, so doesn’t separate the two. That is why I asked if you thought it wise.”

So the (not allowed to say great) Turner asked HIS pastor. And this was what Andrew advised us: “The virtual world allows exploration of a self. The first thought may be that that self is only an extension of the self in real life; but after some discussion it becomes apparent that the two selves may have differences, and important ones.

“Some aspects of our selves in a virtual world are imaginary. But the essence of the first realisation is that there cannot be two distinct selves. Whatever expression of that first and second self, the fact must remain that there can only be one self as there can only be one soul. So marriage, the distinct sacrament of marriage, can only be performed in real life." (everyone so far has agreed on this to date).

However, the union/partnership (when vowed to God) "would be sanctified and therefore, binding." So there you go.

This is the very reason the Lady Sheridanne Kelley is wrestling with this partnership/marriage/saying of vows, because it has NEVER seemed to be a game to her. And she is still not certain she would make a good partner….but time is running out for this woman of integrity and hope and energy. What will she do? I have a good idea....