Prelude to a Kiss

My father-in-law in will officiate at our wedding ceremony tomorrow. Before that, he insisted Turner and I spend time one-on-one and in couples’ marriage counselling. At each session he gave us various homework assignments. At the joint one Turner was to define “death” (in like “till death do we part") and I was to write a paper on what our vows were to mean (I ended up writing the vows instead -- and wonder still at the meaning – (see the earlier instalment on Virtual versus Real Marriage).

Then, knowing how vexed and exhausted by all this preparation and the drama that has surrounded my decision, he sent me a special private email with the following advice:

• Sleep well, please, dear daughter-in-spirit
• Eat well as well as you can
• Take a walk daily, please, for the physical, mental and spiritual benefits
• Take care of yourself in body now: the mind and spirit will follow
• Reply to my question above (which I could not answer for the implication of them)

So, Thursday, I turned off the computer and went for a long walk in the warm sunshine (it is unusually warm for this time of year in Sydney), got my hair cut and a manicure (as any bride would do a few days before her wedding), read some of a book, lit a fragrant candle and ate a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I did enter the virtual world to try on all the wedding dresses I have purchased for the occasion (now seven of them) to decide on the final one. I also finished my list of what is yet to do and then left that world for the real one.

I went to bed at 8:30AM and woke at 4AM, but forced myself to fall back to sleep, despite a crushing headache and rose two hours later, making a night’s sleep of nearly 7 hours (unheard of for me since about October 2006). And actually I feel more tired than when I only get four hours, but will nap today anyway to make up for this.

I wrote my morning column and did some work here then entered the virtual world. First up, I met with the dear Turner (no longer to ever after to be referred to as the great – he seems to have an aversion to something he saw as the demise of Alexander the Great, so I indulge his request) to discuss various issues that arose yesterday that were designed to stop our wedding on Saturday.

The conclusion is: the wedding will go forward as planned and we anticipate no interruptions to the event. And at this rate, I will likely go mad until the hour of our public vows ensuring the sanctity of this time.

Entering and manoeuvring through the virtual world yesterday reminds me now of what it was like when I was on a sailing vessel in the middle of the West Indies and somehow a hurricane grew up around us. Another story for another time though.

Let it be known that I thought it would be an easy day yesterday, but nothing turned out to be easy and I was so tired again when I went to bed last night that I am surprised I woke this morning so early (actually I was fully awake at 1AM and then forced myself to sleep till 3 PM, sort of.

Friday Morning in Avilion

It is Friday morning in Avilion and at noon I am to manage Tournament Sparring Practice, where the great swordsmen of the realm come to review the Tournament rules and to practice their skills against others. Since it began -- now almost four months ago -- one gentleman, Shane (who is from Melbourne of all places) has been there helping me every time we’ve offered it.

Now that doesn’t sound remarkable until you realise Shane is a science teacher and for he (an for me) it means we must be up a bit before 5AM on a Saturday (time moves alonge around the world). Getting up early for me is not trouble, but what a sacrifice for Shane each weekend when everyone else is having a sleep in!

And Shane (whose friendship has never wavered with any of my stupid decisions through this entire drama held my hand yesterday through one of my worst days in world) gave me the time off this morning.

Writing Through Tears

So, I sit here now writing, listening to a remarkable piece of music he sent to me, called The English Ladye, that sounds more like a dirge right now. I am actually crying, probably because I am still tired and probably because I feel badly for how poorly I have managed this entire part of my virtual life. I have hurt one of the most gentle and tender and kind and loving and most faithful friends with my momentary laps in caution in all things.

If it was not for the hope I have in the frenetic (remember no more great?) Turner, I would have given this all up a long time ago. And the pressures on him increase in both dimensions to the point where I am hesitant to even raise my hand for just a moment of his time. Yet I do not know how I may help him in his quest for something undescribed and as yet unformed. As the poet Milton said, “The also serve, who only stand and wait.” And I wait more than anything else now for Turner.

Many people I thought were my friends have driven me nearly mad with their insistence on what my decision must be…but they are not living this little life in this little virtual world, I am. Sometimes I have to ask how it could so matter to me and to them. Perhaps it IS just a game…but real lives are hurt and healed here and we MUST never forget this. And perhaps forgiveness for making decisions others would not have made, can also become a real possibility. I can only hope and pray so.

Tomorrow is the big day.