Love Is Still The Lord of All

Prelude to a Kiss

My father-in-law in will officiate at our wedding ceremony tomorrow. Before that, he insisted Turner and I spend time one-on-one and in couples’ marriage counselling. At each session he gave us various homework assignments. At the joint one Turner was to define “death” (in like “till death do we part") and I was to write a paper on what our vows were to mean (I ended up writing the vows instead -- and wonder still at the meaning – (see the earlier instalment on Virtual versus Real Marriage).

Then, knowing how vexed and exhausted by all this preparation and the drama that has surrounded my decision, he sent me a special private email with the following advice:

• Sleep well, please, dear daughter-in-spirit
• Eat well as well as you can
• Take a walk daily, please, for the physical, mental and spiritual benefits
• Take care of yourself in body now: the mind and spirit will follow
• Reply to my question above (which I could not answer for the implication of them)

So, Thursday, I turned off the computer and went for a long walk in the warm sunshine (it is unusually warm for this time of year in Sydney), got my hair cut and a manicure (as any bride would do a few days before her wedding), read some of a book, lit a fragrant candle and ate a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I did enter the virtual world to try on all the wedding dresses I have purchased for the occasion (now seven of them) to decide on the final one. I also finished my list of what is yet to do and then left that world for the real one.

I went to bed at 8:30AM and woke at 4AM, but forced myself to fall back to sleep, despite a crushing headache and rose two hours later, making a night’s sleep of nearly 7 hours (unheard of for me since about October 2006). And actually I feel more tired than when I only get four hours, but will nap today anyway to make up for this.

I wrote my morning column and did some work here then entered the virtual world. First up, I met with the dear Turner (no longer to ever after to be referred to as the great – he seems to have an aversion to something he saw as the demise of Alexander the Great, so I indulge his request) to discuss various issues that arose yesterday that were designed to stop our wedding on Saturday.

The conclusion is: the wedding will go forward as planned and we anticipate no interruptions to the event. And at this rate, I will likely go mad until the hour of our public vows ensuring the sanctity of this time.

Entering and manoeuvring through the virtual world yesterday reminds me now of what it was like when I was on a sailing vessel in the middle of the West Indies and somehow a hurricane grew up around us. Another story for another time though.

Let it be known that I thought it would be an easy day yesterday, but nothing turned out to be easy and I was so tired again when I went to bed last night that I am surprised I woke this morning so early (actually I was fully awake at 1AM and then forced myself to sleep till 3 PM, sort of.

Friday Morning in Avilion

It is Friday morning in Avilion and at noon I am to manage Tournament Sparring Practice, where the great swordsmen of the realm come to review the Tournament rules and to practice their skills against others. Since it began -- now almost four months ago -- one gentleman, Shane (who is from Melbourne of all places) has been there helping me every time we’ve offered it.

Now that doesn’t sound remarkable until you realise Shane is a science teacher and for he (an for me) it means we must be up a bit before 5AM on a Saturday (time moves alonge around the world). Getting up early for me is not trouble, but what a sacrifice for Shane each weekend when everyone else is having a sleep in!

And Shane (whose friendship has never wavered with any of my stupid decisions through this entire drama held my hand yesterday through one of my worst days in world) gave me the time off this morning.

Writing Through Tears

So, I sit here now writing, listening to a remarkable piece of music he sent to me, called The English Ladye, that sounds more like a dirge right now. I am actually crying, probably because I am still tired and probably because I feel badly for how poorly I have managed this entire part of my virtual life. I have hurt one of the most gentle and tender and kind and loving and most faithful friends with my momentary laps in caution in all things.

If it was not for the hope I have in the frenetic (remember no more great?) Turner, I would have given this all up a long time ago. And the pressures on him increase in both dimensions to the point where I am hesitant to even raise my hand for just a moment of his time. Yet I do not know how I may help him in his quest for something undescribed and as yet unformed. As the poet Milton said, “The also serve, who only stand and wait.” And I wait more than anything else now for Turner.

Many people I thought were my friends have driven me nearly mad with their insistence on what my decision must be…but they are not living this little life in this little virtual world, I am. Sometimes I have to ask how it could so matter to me and to them. Perhaps it IS just a game…but real lives are hurt and healed here and we MUST never forget this. And perhaps forgiveness for making decisions others would not have made, can also become a real possibility. I can only hope and pray so.

Tomorrow is the big day.

Virtual Versus Real Marriage

Yesterday I met my second role play husband.

The first one was very handsome and had deep, dark eyes and dark hair and huge tattoos all over his mighty chest. His shoulders were broad and he always went without a shirt (that made me completely distracted most of the time with him). Oh yes, and he spoke French to me. Can never figure out what it is about that language that causes me to squirm, but it does. He was one of the most skilled builders in my virtual world and had the most impeccable manners and decorum. All in all, a perfect match for my bouncy, always-in-love-with-life personality.

The second one is definitely NOT as handsome or as enticing (but I will work on his presentation). His language is not French and he is certainly not tall enough. And, he wore his shirt firmly tucked in and a cloak to boot. So I have no idea of his body markings or the might of his chest (very important to me).

His language and conduct were excellent and he seemed to enjoy my attentions as his wife. But he has been away hunting in the forests for an extended time so might just have been "hungry". Nevertheless, he seemed to be able to adjust quickly to wearing proper clothing and to doting on me. (Our daughter, who has been off on a bit of an adventure or her own lately, returned to us.)

Then, I had marriage counselling yesterday for my forthcoming wedding. You see this weekend the Lady Sheridanne Kelley and the Lord Turner Singh plan to have their public ceremony (1 September 2007 - starting at 8:PM PST in Avilion Fae Gardens) to share this decision with more of their in-world friends. It is for sure none of our real life friends could give a stuff.

But the entire question of marriage in this virtual world is a can of worms for everyone else it seems, but especially for Lady Sheridanne.

The Virtual World Parameters

According to the people who run the virtual world I live in: “In this virtual world, couples can now make their relationships official. Whether you’re married in RL (real life) or just connected, you can designate your partner on your profile in-world and make your relationship visible to the rest of the community. Send your proposal to the avatar of your dreams using the form below. Partnering, like real life marriage, costs money. To create a partnership will cost each partner L$10. If you decide to divorce later, the person requesting the divorce will be charged L$25.” (the virtual world's database)

For the official record the virtual world is very careful to never use or sanction in anyway the ‘M’ word (marriage) but uses only the word ‘partnership’. Although one day who knows where this might go with this virtual world that now hosts almost 9 million people who spent just over a million US dollars a day in this virtual world.

In the Wall Street

I found an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about relationships and marriages in virtual worlds that said: “With some 30 million people now involved world-wide, there is mounting concern that some are squandering, even damaging their real lives by obsessing over their ‘second’ ones. That's always been a concern with videogames, but a field of study suggests that the boundary between virtual worlds and reality may be more porous than experts previously imagined."

Why does this grow increasingly important? Here's why:

“Nearly 40% of men and 53% of women who play online games said their virtual friends were equal to or better than their real-life friends, according to a survey of 30,000 gamers conducted by Nick Yee, a recent Ph.D. graduate from Stanford University. More than a quarter of gamers said the emotional highlight of the past week occurred in a computer world, according to the survey, which was published in 2006 by Massachusetts Institute of Technology Press's journal Presence.” – “Is This Man Cheating On His Wife?” -- By ALEXANDRA ALTER , WSJ, August 10, 2007; Page W1

My Virtual Big/Little Brother

So there is reality in this unreal world! Now I have a little brother in this virtual world (and like my real world brother he is actually a big brother cause he grew taller than I did for some reason, but you understand how much joy I get calling him “little” still). Anyway, my dear virtual Blood brother, who is also a real life pastor of a church, has an argument against 'marriage/partnerships' in the virtual world:

“Well my thinking on the subject is that there can be no separation in the concept of marriage between RL (real life) and the virtual world. God looks upon intentions, so doesn’t separate the two. That is why I asked if you thought it wise.”

So the (not allowed to say great) Turner asked HIS pastor. And this was what Andrew advised us: “The virtual world allows exploration of a self. The first thought may be that that self is only an extension of the self in real life; but after some discussion it becomes apparent that the two selves may have differences, and important ones.

“Some aspects of our selves in a virtual world are imaginary. But the essence of the first realisation is that there cannot be two distinct selves. Whatever expression of that first and second self, the fact must remain that there can only be one self as there can only be one soul. So marriage, the distinct sacrament of marriage, can only be performed in real life." (everyone so far has agreed on this to date).

However, the union/partnership (when vowed to God) "would be sanctified and therefore, binding." So there you go.

This is the very reason the Lady Sheridanne Kelley is wrestling with this partnership/marriage/saying of vows, because it has NEVER seemed to be a game to her. And she is still not certain she would make a good partner….but time is running out for this woman of integrity and hope and energy. What will she do? I have a good idea....

Invisible Writing

Is this but a dream within a dream?

Someone asked this question once. And it is a critical one to consider when it comes to the entire MMORPG (massively multiple on-line role play game) environment. How many layers do we, like that proverbial onion, or can we sustain? Better yet, why do we find “layers” necessary or important, sustainable or comforting?

When I first entered the virtual world I now spend time in (many think too much time in), it was, again to do research into what was happening in the Web 2.0 universe. It seemed quite trivial and silly when I first stepped through “orientation” and thinking back to those early days, remember that I never did figure out how to pick up the silly beach ball and put it on the picnic table – I just can’t be bothered with such annoying things.

What I did notice was that everyone seemed to enjoy flying. The first time I tried it was in an effort to get off “Orientation Island” and onto an island I could see was just a short ways away.

I knew I could fly. I had hovered enough during a little practice exercise to know that in this new world, the Laws of Gravity seemed not nearly so important as they are in my real world. So I did what any bright AV (avitar) would do, I hit the “Fly” button at the bottom of my screen and immediately shot up into the air!

It was pretty neat actually until I tried to fly in a direction and got out over the “ocean” and hit the wrong button again and began to plumet, arms and legs flailing in desperation, into the water! Strangely enough, without even realising it, I had invested emotionally in my little black, pig-tailed AV and was surprised at the adrenelin my body began to release as I felt the fear of drowning surround me on the bottom of this little body of water. Fortunately, I recovered my senses enough to find the “Fly” button again and flew up to the island.

So from then on, I decided I would walk…and I did. All around me people flew, but I walked. I figured in real life you walk, so I would walk. My only exception to this early rule was when I found a TP (Transport) that would, like the classic story of “The Fly”, take me from one place to another magically with a neat “whoosh” sound upon take off and arrival.

Dangerous Lives

At first I avoided crowds of people because they seemed really dangerous and I’m sort of a coward. But began to meet people one-on-one. There was the night I was walking all alone in some city, wondering if I should look both ways as I crossed the highway and someone just appeared in front of me and asked me if I had noticed the moon. I hadn’t and we stood there and watched the most beautiful full moon sink into the sea. It was tremendous.

Eventually I met more and more individuals who “became” individuals and eventually I made my way to one of the hubs of this virtual world – Phat Cats Ballroom. Yes, ladies and gentlemen ballroom and Latin dancing is so alive and well in the virtual world. And through a series of connections, I met a wonderful man from Greece who helped me transform my AV into who she is today, the gracious and beautiful, much sought after, Lady Sheridanne Kelley. (He remains evermore my Pygmalian.)

Turner's Words

My dear (not allowed to call him great anymore) Turner greeted me with his writing this morning (which I highly recommend to you: Turner ) entitled, “Divisions of Self”. In it he wrote:

======================================

“Taken altogether where do you stop, and your avatar begin:

“You stop, to the extent of your own imperfections that make you who you are , RL, including your own mortality*.

“Your avatar begins at the investment you can make of yourself to pursue a spiritual ideal that helps you to explore a part of you that you either wish to increase, acquire or diminish.
“There is a certain amount of information and things that can go between the worlds. >:) Its better to keep the two worlds separate and have the most fun in the real world. The basic idea I use is ..

“"Name. Rank and Serial number. Anything more than that, and you have to pay a quarter just like everybody else."

“The most pathetic and scary part of all of this is that I felt I +needed to write an essay on this+. * imperfection counts. +the girl+ had a point.

===========================================

See that last little bit after “*imperfection counts” ? Turner is a very clever man and I’m sure he had no hopes or expectations of my finding this….but I did. I hope Lady Sheridanne is the one who had the point.

What was her point? Glad you asked. She again referenced his lovely writing and answered it:

He said,

"There is a fine line between love and illusion
A fine place to penetrate
The gap between actor and act
The lens between wishes and fact"
_____________________________

She answered his words and said,

Yes the line between love and illusion
is almost as fine as the gossamer wings
of a butterfly or a fairy...

easy to penetrate but impossible to repair.
Are our act authentic or merely pretend?
Where is the truth of the illusion?
Do our wishes not sometimes even colour the facts,
if they are strong enough for us to look through?

Perhaps!

/me smiles

One Day After the Next

Oh how can I learn this big lesson? Will you BE patient enough? You know the key story - the one you demanded from me as a sigh of my authentic trust -- it is big inside of me this fear. Help me be strong enough to conquer this immense fear please!

Various Thoughts in his Arms

Last night I met him on my favourite bench in Gjo’s Woods, a beautiful Elven area where it seems to snow great big goose-feathers every night. It is quiet there and a little cold, so I “rug up” (meaning I wear a very heavy, black, sheared, lambs wool cloak).

Almost always I come to this spot alone to think. Inevitably someone will call to me and ask if they can join me.

So he “who commands me” joined me. I was tired from a very long and very confusing day. He was distracted with RL (real life) I needed desperately to talk. It was frustrating to have something to talk through with someone you truly care about and they are all over the place with their thoughts.

Eventually, I just ran away and hid under the covers of my bed in my little home. He demanded and then asked nicely to join me…so I called him to me. Still he was distracted and still I found myself nearly pulling my hair out with the frustration of unspoken issues on my heart.

His approach was to "hypnotise" me to say he was wonderful, that I loved to surf. the second was the day for the ceremony (if it must be postponed as I had just told him I had arranged to do) and that he was a great cook of ramen noodles and burritos.

He told me stories, including one of his RL (real life) slave who had a vial with ashes in it in her ear, one of King David and the Prophet Nathan. He called me smart and he called me beautiful. He said he loved my green eyes. He said I was like his “other” in being inscrutable during times like these.

I do not mean to be difficult to understand. I am a storyteller and must take time to unpack my story in a way that seems logical to me. I ONLY do this with someone who I care about and who I feel cares about me because I hope they will make the effort to see it through with me, without trying to hurry me up. Perhaps my story just bored him.

Just as I reached the crest of the wave and had full control of my board for the very first time, he said: "OK. Sure. Then we will leave it here.” And disappeared.

I just screamed and screamed at the top of my lungs that he COULDN’T leave right then! That we must talk! But my voice just flew away into the wind and I cried from utter frustration and stress.

Sleep & Near Death

No answer came from him. I checked here. I left in-world messages. I checked his blog…nothing. So I closed down the computer and went to bed.

I don’t remember the last time I felt so tired. I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep to awaken at 4AM (quite late for me).

As I moved slowly from the depth of unconscious sleep into the growing consciousness of a new day, I discovered my was body arranged in a way that reminded me of a childhood memory that remains one of my most vivid, earliest conscious imprints.

I was almost four years old and completely paralysed. I lay in my Jenny Lind bed with the lumpy blue cotton mattress. The room was dimly lit and very quiet except for the crying - there was always weeping. The drapes drawn. It smelled closed in and moist as a humidifier spewed steam near my face to help me with my breathing.

My Mom was there. The doctor stood off near the door with the nurse that was now there all the time. They talked. My Mom wept as she sat on the side of my bed and kept bathing my little body with cool water. I shivered.

Laying flat on my back, my legs straight from my body and my arms in the same position they were in this morning -- both arms up and bent to each side of my head. It was the position from which I could not move.

I never understood it, but still will wake in that same position, as if it is etched permanently in my muscles and brain. Perhaps, this is the way they arranged my extremities each time they bathed me. I just know it was how I lay every day for weeks and weeks in drenching fever and pain I was too young to appreciate the power and strength of.

They thought I had polio, but it turned out to only be Scarlet Fever. I just remembered feeling the deep sadness and I knew with some child-like prescience, that they did not believe I had a chance to live.

But the angel was there every moment. No one ever seemed to notice him standing so gently in the corner by my little pale green and pale yellow dresser. He smiled at me and I knew that no matter how many tears were shed around me, that I would not leave them.

And so I recovered. I have no idea how many weeks it took. But today, I remain remarkably blessed with good health.

Today – Silence

It is morning now. I have made my bed and showered and sent off my morning column. And then went looking for word from him.

His blog tells me that today, he takes a much-needed break, wandering around, breathing fresh air and pushing his body to places few ever go with his love of triathlon. What a remarkable man he is! How fortunate I am to be in his gaze.

Every day he gets up to face so much challenge! A lesser man would simply cave in! But not the dear (remember I am no longer allowed to say great) Turner – my partner and husband for eternity.

So much he manages: his personal day-to-day inner and outer life, his family, his property, his business and….now me. I can only hope and pray that I bring him enough love and joy to help him shoulder his burdens with more strength and grace than before I was there to support him. Only time will tell....

Carrying Your Words

The thought of “carrying every word you speak with you everywhere” has fascinated me since I realised it was happening in my virtual world.

So as I speak with everyone I meet, friends and strangers, I type my “conversations”-- whether they are trivial exchanges of deeply thought-through or thought-provoking -- even intimate. Every word stays in a little “folder” that stays with me through all the time I am on line. And once you figure it out you can even get it to automatically fill up your hard disk (and you better be prepared for seeing the disk fill up more quickly than you can imagine if you don’t watch it.)

I am someone who will rarely, if ever, say what I “wish I could have said” but settled for something polite or diplomatic or tender instead. Yet, try as I might, there are still hurtful things I manage to say to others. There are always words I wish I could take back. And the worst part is you can read them over and over again later so you can really kick or congratulate yourself.

Word Danger

There is an unexpected danger with this. Let’s say you and I discuss something and you go someplace and say an idea I gave you was actually yours – a new type of proof-texting comes into play and I can quickly go into the running commentary for the day and select, copy and paste you’re words onto a notecard to send to you to remind you of the truth (unless you are wise enough to establish a carefully-worded, mutually-beneficial, non-disclosure statement, better known as a NDA here. /me smiles and says, "Thank you, honey!").

Or let’s say we argue…well there is nothing like saying I told you so and producing your words to say what he said/she said! And being right as we all know is not always the best position to take in an argument if you hope to maintain the friendship or even win the argument.

Or as a dear Elven friend once said, “Bygones.” Which of course he lifted from one my all time favourite TV series, Ally McBeal. (If you ever wanted to know about me, my habits, hopes, dreams or how my love life REALLY goes, just review that series!) – meaning it is better to bow out gracefully sometimes and let you be wrong.

Worse is the danger that comes from evil people who don’t just save and then cut and paste your words to others, they change your words to reflect what they want them to say. Potentially, it can be the ultimate tool in a gossip and smear campaign. And if you live in Medieval times, like I do this is the paradigm you live with every day – lots of fun intrigue to figure out.

Moon Error

Recently, I wrote something that was spontaneously “spoken” in response to my dear (not allowed to say great anymore) Turner. A cryptic, inside comment meant as “pillow talk”. And boy did it get misunderstood big time.

So I am presently trying for all I am worth to figure out how to mend this huge rift with a truly, valuable and super and faithful and trustworthy and intelligent friend, who is also gentle (and who told me once he NEVER read blogs. This was his answer when I was hoping I could direct him to this blog so I could convey the turmoil in my heart. Well I can only hope he NOW keeps his eagle eye on this blog once in a while and sees this plea for understanding.)

As a tribute to him, he is the most graceful man I have met yet in the virtual world. More than his grace and his amazing appearance it is his wisdom and kindness. And I have had great joy trying to surprise him once in awhile – for I suspect he might be lonely like I am – so we make good friends.

He is a sought-after builder and makes me feel truly all thumbs, so it was with all my courage that I presented him with my very first two in-world creations: a very simple table that resembled a bed table (the kind you put over your lap when you’re sick in bed) and a pillow. (It is rather embarrassing to think back at how stupid this must have seemed to him at the time but he surprised me by appreciating the thought. In the virtual world you could buy someone great gifts, but home made is always better – my Mom always said that!)

My greatest moment came when I struggled to build a little golden bird, with no instructions. I loved the look on his face when he took it out and looked it and said he was pleased with the effort. And then we danced as we talked and talked and talked…sometimes about me, then about him, then about me, then about him. He is very wise you know.

I would not want to be in-world and not be able to have him as my true friend so I will keep trying to fix this and also be even more careful of ever word I say.

As my favourite Book puts it: ‘"And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.’” [Matthew 12:36-37]

The Story of the Two Dogs

Now here is my second favourite story by my Dad. It remains a powerful story for me and is easy to remember in detail – seeing as how when he was “happy” he sometimes would forget that he had told the story many times before. But then, that is what daughters are born for – to spoil their Daddy’s into thinking the sun rises and sets where they stand or sit.

Here is how it went: Once upon a time in a cabin in the woods lived an older man who was known as Turner. He was content being alone from human company, however he had two dogs – one was pitch black (called appropriately Evil) and one was the purest of white (also appropriately named Good).

Every Saturday, Turner would amble into the nearby village and bring his two dogs with him. These dogs, by the way were fighting dogs (a topic I really don’t like to get into and when I was old enough to realise what fighting dogs did had to wonder for a moment about my Dad.)

Nevertheless, everyone in the little village knew Turner and knew that every Saturday, he would be meeting up with his buddies, who also had fighting dogs. They would stand around talking and sharing stories and beers, smoking cigarettes and watching women walk by.

And for some reason, every Saturday one of the men would always set up a dogfight. Everyone would bet on the dogs and every week Turner would win the bet. No one could figure out how this happened. Sometimes he would fight with the white dog, Good, and sometimes with the black dog, Evil. And he would always win whether he bet for or against his dogs winning.

How Did He Know?

So everyone began to try to figure it out.

One day a young girl was walking through the woods where Turner lived and stopped by for a glass of milk and a cookie (long before little kids weren’t allowed to ever speak with a stranger and long before it seemed there was any true danger with grown up men and little girls.) She started coming by often and they would sit on the stoop of his porch and watch the butterflies and the humming birds competing for flowers.

He taught her about wood lore and how to fish; they became good friends and since Turner knew her folks it was OK because it was sort of like glorified babysitting for her parents.

Turner loved to tell stories and to pass on his wisdom to this young girl. One day she was watching the white dog and the black dog laying in the sum sleeping. She had never been afraid of the dogs, and would play with them for hours on end. But Turner had told her that they were fighting dogs, so she had great respect for the two hearty-looking dogs.

Since everyone knew of his amazing luck at knowing his dogs’ fighting abilities, her daddy one day asked her if she could find out the secret to Turner always knowing which of his dogs would win or lose in the weekly dog fights. So she asked him one day how he always knew which one would win.

His answer was simple. “The one who wins on Saturday is the one I feed well during the week.”

Cinderella & the Chicken Soup

Two Stories

My Dad was a remarkable storyteller, especially when he was “happy” (our family euphemism for his being drunk). So I will tell you my two favourite. One today and one tomorrow. Enjoy.

Cinderella and the Chicken Soup

This story, according to my Dad's version, was all about a pretty little girl that grew up with the requisite evil and favoured stepsisters and stepmother just like the other Cinderella everyone else knew.

Anyway, instead of a ball and a glass slipper the twist of this story was soup – homemade chicken soup to be exact (Not sure if it was a Jewish story or not, but to be sure this gets in the official record: homemade chicken soup with matzo ball dumplings is the best when made by loving Jewish hands.).

That said, chicken soup in my Dad’s version of the story proved to be the challenge of a lifetime for all the women in this kingdom: whoever could make the richest, most luscious-tasting chicken soup, as judged so by the King and Queen and Prince, would be crowned Princess.

Well pity the pour chickens in THAT kingdom, all were snatched up in moments. Cinderella had no wealth and so could not buy a chicken. She hung around the big kitchen at her house watching her stepsisters and stepmom preparing the chicken meat for their soup. They cut all the meat off the bones and left the bones, backs and necks in a big bowl in the middle of the kitchen table.

When they saw Cinderella standing there they laughed at her, as you would expect in this type of fairy tale and she was sad. The taunted her when she asked if she could have some chicken to make her own soup too. And they said, “Sure, here have all these bones and the necks and the backs of the chicken. That’s all that’s left, sorry.” And laughed and laughed as they prepared their soup.

Cinderella was so sad, but she thought she just had to try anyway, so she threw all the bones and necks and backs of the chickens into a big pot with a couple of left over onions, celery and carrots and put it on a slow fire to leave it to simmer slowly, while she fell asleep by the fire after a long and exhausting cry, knowing she had no chance to become princess.

The next morning her sisters took their different versions of chicken soup and put them into big glass jars and sealed them and put the jars in lovely baskets covered with red and white checked napkins. Then they set off for the castle to deliver, what they knew to be, the prize-winning soup.

When Cinderella woke, everyone was gone and the kitchen smelled amazing with the fragrance of the broth. One little jar was left, and she ladled some of her soup into it. She wrapped the jar in her own shawl and headed off for the castle.

You guessed it by now? Yes, you are right, if you are going to make good chicken soup you must use the unattractive bits: the bones, the backs and the necks to get the best and richest broth. And, you have to let it simmer slowly for a long time to extract and blend all the flavours. And, oh yes, if you do this, you will also win the hand of a prince.

Tomorrow, the story of The Two Dogs

Uncreated

Sometimes in our desire to have a life we lose our lives in the life of another. The tragedy remains. Are we me and you or us? That is a question that makes us all stop and wonder with wonder at the possibilities of life. "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Wolf

The wolf is at the door, huffing and puffing to blow down the door of resolve. What will protect you? "'Behold, I sent you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; therefore be shrewd as serpents, and innocent as doves.'" Matthew 10:16

Child

A child is born and grows up to be the parent of a child that grows up to be the partent of a child that grows up... "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven -- A time to give birth, and a time to die;" Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a

Human

Such a tempting topic: to be human! As we wander today through a world filled with so much technology that would seek to imitate and mock our humanity, we must never forget the gift it is to be human. "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in OUr image, according to OUr likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.: Genesis 1:26-27

Two-Fold Being

Sometimes the person we think we know is not the person that is....and the consequences can be dire. Can we know? Then how can we know? "And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light." II Corinthians 11:14

Painfully Expanded Soul

What if the loss of innocense is better than the loss of hope? As we grow, our soul grows too. "And we know that God causes all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

A Game You Say.....Hummm

Here is How the Game Began

He produced a significant quote and then:

" * All of these are quotes by the author Herman Hesse. I would like to make this post a game, if you would like to play? In the quote there by Hesse - where it says you have to go out into the world I thought. Wow. Wouldn't it be neat if we could find hyperlinks for that paragraph. Now pretty much anything you write, I am not going to change like that. But. If I broke them out , of the para I thought these would be fun:

"to the uncreated,
to the wolf
to the child
deeper into human life
multiply your two-fold being
to absorb more and more
painfully expanded soul

"So, the game is to find a link for that word. I mean, its from Hesse's Steppenwolf which is sort of a puzzle book anyway... so why not... here's my stab at it (note: disclaimer. I am NOT saying these would be my permanent links here!)

" to the uncreated,
to the wolf
to the child
deeper into human life
multiply your two-fold being
to absorb more and more
painfully expanded soul

"Check out that last one. At time of writing, "Painfully Expanded Soul" , search termed first in Google. To guess which blog. (its true I am growing here.) - So lets have fun? Take a word from the list. And tell me the link. >:) "

My Answers will be more Images

For Uncreated:

For Wolf:

For Child:

For Human:

For Two-fold Being

For Absorbe More and More

For Painfully Expanded Soul

Love Fear

Yesterday in Avilion I stood waiting to recite a special poem at Bard's Tales. It was the first time my new husband was there to hear me. Just as I was about to take my position in the Drum Circle, however, he disappeared. It was a disappointment because I am struggling to ensure my communication grows more effective with this man.

I could not recite the one I had planned for his hearing in front of my friends, peers and family yesterday and recited another instead. But I publish this poem here now for his eyes and the eyes of friends to see if I am making some sense yet...some will know under what circumstances it was written -- most no clue, but it holds hidden secrets waiting to be unlocked.

Love Fear
by Lady Sheridanne Kelley


I have feared love
With all its hidden demands
With its misty promises & drying skin
With its moist eyes & my own deepest concern
That once I settled on one,
I might finally find the other destined for me.

I feared love because I may have waited too long
And kept intact the memory of too much pain at its passing.
Finally I have lived long enough to know that such fear
Is groundless, pale, passionless compared to the fear
Of never having known love at all.

That is fear, indeed, to wake up each morning without anyone
To share the day or a cup of coffee with
To settle into the darkest night without cuddling or caring
Or knowing that to just someone I am worth life itself. And more.

I watched my father die &
wondered what he shared with my mother before she died,
Wondered how two, so often silent & distant,
could endure so many years.

Will I ever know what it is like to have my life cross
those boundaries that can never be crossed again?
To share a thousand laughs & tears, ten thousand meals?
To say hello & good bye, good night &
good morning beyond all counting or remembrance?
To see another through tragedy &

desperation, to wonder what life means to have a trusting form next to you?
To know that weeks soon pass like months & months into years?
To know that yesterday will not return & tomorrow is not forever?

It is not love I now fear,
but a life without love,
& every breath I breathe from this moment
will hold this fear in my mind & heart,
In the very depth of my loneliness
& every last dream I still have to share.

More than anything else, I want to hold you in my arms, gently,
Beyond hot sex & quiet security, prestige and triumph,
To say once & for all, “I love you,”
And mean it from the top of my head to the depths of my soul.

This would be the love that casts out all fear,
that will make life worth living,
That will take one man & one woman on earth
And lift them finally above every power of pain that could wound them.

I have seen so many sights, heard so many words, but none as beautiful
As the sight & sound of you as you hold me &
With your every act, your eyes & all your being, say to me
“I love you!”
Will you say them just one more time?
Or will I be condemned to live in fear of love till death?


The End

The Collector

What might it feel like to be captured and kept in a jar without the freedom and privilege to choose to be in that jar? Resistance is futile but inevitable -- even when the jar is filled with food and lovely things. How can it be made better? That is the mystery that remains to be solved. Will he know how to fix this before she dies?

The Princess & the Prey

The virtual world contains all the real life stuff you are used to except digestive delights and bodily elimination. That said, once before I alluded to sex. For some reason sex is a big part of a virtual world and ranges the gamut from Romantic dalliances to full-on kinky sex. (And I can see I now have your attention. Good!)

Sheridanne enjoys dancing, mostly ballroom, and in her very early adventures in this world, she met a wonderful man named Sergi. He was the resurrected self of the first man she had a romantic attachment to (no sex). He had somehow fallen into what is known as BDSM, which seems to be a code for kinky sex. Sheridanne was mortified at his apparent embracing of such an ignoble lifestyle and made it her goal to “free” him from these awful shackles of bondage and pain.

Sergi, on the other hand, purposed he was going to sell Sheridanne on the “benefits” of his ignoble lifestyle. One day he told her of a “neat” new game he was enjoying playing.

The Maze

Here’s how it was played. One person was the Captor and the other person was the Prey. The objective was for the Prey to run through a labyrinthine hedge maze and reach the end without being captured. Easy enough, but the Captor had pre-knowledge of the layout of the maze and could easily catch the Prey.

Every time the Captor caught the Prey, the Prey had to take off an article of clothing. Prey were only allowed to wear six pieces of clothing to begin with to ensure this new twist on the old strip spin the bottle or strip poker wouldn’t go on too long -- prurient interest being what it is. Lots of chasing and giggling would ensue until the Prey was eventually captured naked and exhausted, unable to resist the “climax” of the game.

The Cross in the Castle

Why do I titillate you this way? To illustrate a feeling I had recently, standing near a cross in a huge castle.

This little princess is happy to play some games, but is not happy to be given ultimatums and no choices in a royal capture and role play game she is not even privy to. She likes her freedom and her ability to reason things out for herself and to seek wise counsel from her trusted friends. To take her time considering the pros and cons of a decision, especially a “virtual-life-changing” one.

When robbed of her choices and because of her own personal history, she begins to want to flee to safety and freedom at every chance she gets…even if the “climax” of the game she is now in is actually safe and kind and well-meaning and hopeful and loving.

PS: This does not mean the game is over, but it is meant to help explain the resistance and fear.

Serious Political Business

How serious would anyone be about love? How serious should anyone be about love? How serious could anyone be about love?

Whose On Top Now?

Henry the VIII had six wives, two of whom he had executed and two of whom he divorced. Henry's reign seemed filled with political plotting, quiet murders and the open conflict between Protestantism and the Roman Catholic Church. So much so that his final years were marked by constant war and rebellion by his disillusioned people.

Under Two Suns

“That which has been is that which will be, and that which has been done is that which will be done. So, there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one might say, ‘See this, it is new’? Already it has existed for ages which were before us. There is no remembrance of earlier things; and also of the later things which will occur. There will be for them no remembrance among those who will come later still.” Ecclesiastes 1:9-11

I remember the first time I read that and thought, “WOW!! My mom and dad are right!!! To put this in some perspective, I grew up in a family that was all about learning – not education, but learning. It “bent” my view of education forever.

So we were the only kids I ever knew of whose Mom would wake us at 3:AM to watch a butterfly or a cicada pull out of a chrysalis or to see our sweet guinea pigs, Pick and Pack, have their first babies! And all the time it was about experiences and what did we learn from this or that experience. Why was it important? How could we use this in our own daily lives, starting right now!

It was great. And there were books EVERYWHERE. I do not remember a night, if my parents were not gravely ill, where they did not always go to bed with a book before lights out. We all read (well my little brother got out of it because he thought books were just too heavy to be bothered with, but he finally caught on later in his life!)

We read everything! I was in a book club when I was four years old and consumed anything with type on that I could figure out as soon as I knew my ABCs!

This stimulated my intuition, so I was always inventing scenarios that I would turn into stories to tell my Mom and Dad. And they would always listen – I don’t remember my parents ever telling me to go away they were too busy to listen (although I’m sure they must have.).

Precocious, imaginative, creative and inventive – those were my mottos – still are, probably, though the precocious has turned into passion (the nice kind of passion (strong enthusiasm not strength to go through 2x4s with gusto!).

Feet On The Ground Please!

Occasionally, my Mom or Dad had to help ease me back down out of the clouds so my feet could touch the earth again and they would share with me in various ways the discovery of the quote above. That history repeats itself and that there isn’t anything new.

Since stepping into the Virtual World I live in, it seemed as though here was a place where FINALLY, I could prove that old theory wrong. But my parents are still right. (Isn’t it interesting how you get the message that the longer you live the smarter they get?)

So since my time there, when I used to wonder if there would ever be more than 10,000 people on line at once (now there are mid 40K), I’ve seen some interesting parallels in this world to RL (Real Life), including the spontaneous uprising of a form of governance that is growing more “individual” based rather than the “benevolent dictator” it began as.

Avilion, is a good example to me. This is where I live and "work". It is Medieval and during a time when intrigue and spying and whispers were dangerous beyond imagination. When I first ventured in to this idyllic realm many months ago (read yesterday's blog about the excelleration of time), it was all about peace and love and classical Romanticism.

But over time it has grown to be like the time of Henry the VIII. Individuals are so politically motivated they seem no longer able to have fun because they are so busy watching their backs.

You just have to wonder….

Dance With Me...Or Run Around?

Like a flower bending in the breeze, bend with me, sway with these. When we dance you have a way with me, stay with me...sway with me. Or will you be a run around lover? /me smiles

Dancing to the Drum

Question: What is “Dancing to the Drum”?

Clues: Everyone deals with it. No one knows how to deal with it as well as they’d like to. It makes or breaks lives and careers, yet has no power of its own. It exists wherever there are two or more people involved and the incidence of it increases exponentially with the number of additional people involved. It invades our personal lives, our neighbourhoods, the business environment, even our churches and places of worship. It is invisible, yet everyone sees it, (except sometimes you – when it sneaks up and blind-sides you). Some people seem to have an Olympic attitude for it, others can’t see it or be bothered to look.

Answer: Politics

Hidden political relationships between people create strengths and challenges for everyone to one degree or another during our lives, whether at work or at home or at play. I liken it to dancing – and whether you feel you’ve got two left feet on the dance floor of not, there are “steps” you can learn and practice to help you have a more satisfied life.

Many times trying to sell or support your ideas or opinions, justify a decision or plan something so simple as a social occasion is difficult. When you’re unaware of politics or choose to ignore it, you may find yourself stranded without any “power” or “friends”.

Politics can make you feel unsure of your next move. Some days it seems like everything you do is one step forward and two steps back (a lovely little dance move). At the same time you must learn how to lead as well as how to follow. Everyone wants to know more about the steps and the theories, techniques and ways to be wiser in getting their own way. But there are few courses on it (I do have one thought. /me grins).

Get Virtually Real

But that is in the real world surely, not fitting for the joy and fun of a virtual world, right? Wrong!

One of my roles in Avilion, where I live in Medieval times is that of a Bard (poet, story teller, minstrel). I recently wrote a new poem called “The Magic and Mystery of a Heart”. I will not share in its entirety here, but will take out but three stanzas just to get you to thinking about the additional challenges of living in my virtual world:

The Magic and Mystery of a Heart

“Six times faster do I travel through time.
Six times faster do I establish relationships.
Six times faster do I fall in love.
Six times shorter do things not work out.
Six times longer does my love last.
Six time shorter is my grief.
Six times shorter is my hope of tomorrow
-------------------------------------

“Six times faster do I travel through time
Extablish relationships
Fall in love
Lose a love
Grieve the past
-----------------------------------

“And then, just a magically –
I reach out again.
And six times faster do I
Hope for a new beginning
A new future”

The reason for all this prattling on? Oh, I’m trying to plan one wedding, and at this rate it may have to be six weddings to simply satisfy all the political intrigues and pressures – and I know he who is so shy and rather pragmatic, just wants all the fuss over. Is this really going the way it should?

Or maybe, there’s another way…I just marry six men! Hummm…?

What Did You Say?

Communicating is very serious business and what we say and how we say it, can make all the difference in the world in how people see us. It really makes you wonder how we have progressed so far in this world with the state of communication today. CUL8tr!

Mobius Communication

A Mobius strip is a one-sided surface formed by joining the ends of a narrow rectangle after twisting one end through 180°. It was discovered in the mid 1800s.

What does this have to do with the price of eggs, you say or the way this Blog is heading….a great deal!

I use a bright red Mobius strip as the symbol of my workshops and use an exercise of building one, as a management wake up. Why do I do this? Well, I have found it creates a super impact for nearly asleep managers around the world. It is the key to change management, the key to management itself, in fact -- says she who has watched with great fascination as the light goes on in someone’s eyes who finally gets it -- it is also the key to good and lasting relationships of any and all kinds.

I started writing out all the instructions for this exercise, but decided after about a page full with illustrations that it makes a far better live demonstration to ensure it gets made correctly. Just trust me on this -- it works and you have something to look forward to, should we ever meet.

Once the Mobius strip is built they learn about how FEAR and COMMUNICATION are linked. When there is no communication there is fear, when there is fear, you can take it to the bank, there is not enough communication.

What stops good communication? Lots of stuff, but basically 7 things:

1. Lack of desire to communicate
2. Lack of time to have healthy, quality communications
3. Fear you will be misunderstood
4. Fear you will be understood
5. NOT LISTENING TO THE OTHER PERSON
6. Lack of the words to describe your thoughts (that’s when you must break out the crayons and flip-chart paper and just draw something)
7. A hidden agenda

How many of us have tried to describe something and been completely and totally misunderstood and your efforts to “make it right again” is fruitless effort? Or how many of us have had our words misquoted and used against us?

They say the average person’s vocabulary is about 5,000 words and that includes all the “the”, “a”, “an” type of words too. So is it any wonder we are misunderstood or that a war begins someplace in the world every 20 minutes!

Even if you live with a dictionary in one hand (like I do), "understood" communication (as opposed to understandable communication) is tough work.

One of the most impactful books I have ever read about communication is called, An Imaginary Life, by David Maloof, an amazing and thought-provoking Australian author and poet. This book is the first-person story of the Roman poet Ovid’s exile in the distant, frosty wastes, where is condemned to live as punishment among barbarians who have no language. How can he survive with no one to talk with?

All day long we write or speak our thoughts, exposing our hearts and our minds and our souls to strangers and those we hope care for us, even love us. And how many times we are misunderstood!

Effectiveness of Communication

Research into nonverbal aspects of verbal, face-to-face communication by Albert Mehrabian, looks in depth at how our messages come across. His finding showed that only:

- 7% of interpersonal communication is traceable to the words we use
- 38% comes from "para-language" - or how we use our voice (inflection, tone, etc.)
- 55% is the result of facial expression and other body language signals

Heart Language

Language, however well crafted or used, always seems to fail our hearts….always. Why else would there be so many books, so much poetry, so much music and art? We ache to communicate so we are understood….not just to speak.

((PS: and not once did I mention the great Turner !!!))

The Road Not Taken

Throughout my life two Robert Frost poems have meant a great deal to me: "Mending the Wall" and "The Road Not Taken".

The Road Not Taken ends like this:

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Last night Lady Sheridanne sat on a mystically suspendedhundreds-of-meters-in-mid-air platform with a long-time wise and kind friend who through the entire two-hour conversation continued to build a 19th century train station around us.

The topic:

How do you ever know if you’ve made the right decision?

The conclusion his wisdom provided is summed up in an old Aussie (Australian for the uninitiated) saying: “You must suck it and see.” -- and no this is not a reference to something seedy, it is a concept that illustrates the point that sometimes you just have to jump in the deep end and hope for the best.

Well the decision was truly sealed on the 6th, but still even as I wander ever further down this inexorable road, my heart flutters with fears so great that sometimes dying seems to be the better choice (Lady Sheridanne looks to the great Turner to hand her that revolver and ammo he continually mentions).

And because I can still see where I entered the dividing laneway, I, somewhat feel like Lot’s wife must have felt, and am continually tempted to look back and return to try to fix something I would have never have left undone.

But I did make the decision (integrity after all) and now I must gasp for sustaining and life-giving air as I pump my arms and legs to reach the surface of this raging ocean and hope with all my heart that the great Turner will be there to pull me out of this growing season into some harvest of joy.

And Now There Is One

/me sighs and lets you know my hand is in your hand -- no other hand now helps me...do not betray my trust...

Where Is The Truth?

Did you ever have a dream you thought was so real you didn't want to wake from it?

ADDICTION OR NEW ANSWER?

Wow that sounds impressive for a blog that started out with love. Nevertheless, I do spend some time thinking as well as just hankering for a bit of virtual hugging.

I entered my virtual world as a normal (usual, typical, not extraordinary, mentally and physically sound, average) educator and speaker, on the hunt for some superficial research into the Web2.0 space. What was it and why was interest in it becoming less than a trend -- and more a reality?

In I plunged! I tried several sites and then this virtual world. I wasn’t all that sucked in by any of them as I tried to identify the rationale for their popularity. One thing was for certain; the virtual world was far more complicated than I had anticipated. Every time I went in, I learned something new!

Then suddenly, I saw an interest in the media about Web 2.0 and especially virtual reality. I bought all the Matrix films and had a forced sit through them. My goodness that will make you sweat and want to buy one of those, what my Daddy always called a “Dago T-shirt” (not too clear on who Dago was, but it might have been named after my Dad’s Dagwood sandwiches).

I watched them again and pulled out a copy of Tron (see: Turner's blog: http://turnerbroadcasting.blogspot.com) and thought about this new arena for connecting people.

WOW!

Over the past few years an increasing number of people have cocconed and bunkered in to the safety of their lives behind closed doors (http://www.faithpopcornreport.com/ or just go buy The Popcorn Report, by Faith Popcorn), and the result is that physical and emotional isolation is growing deeper and wider.

For instance, shops are run by automatons, no one pumps petrol anymore, there are no customer service people at the end of the phone lines, even the coffee shops are more interested in efficiency that effectiveness. Neighbours don’t dare speak with their neighbours, you can’t trust the police, you can’t speak with children or … well you get my drift. We have chosen to be separate to “protect” ourselves from evil (take note the great Turner!).

Children can interact easier with a computer than with other children or just people altogether. Adults carry cell phones so they can call their friends who are in the next room or even walking beside them! Too frequently we fail to look at the people around us to recognise that that longing to “connect” haunts the eyes of many who are rushing through their lives.

Where does this LEAVE us?

So the Internet begins to inexorably change the way we communicate and connect with others. From emails to accessing empowering (and sometimes even dangerous) information, to VOIP (voices that come right through the Internet line), to online job hunts, online dating to virtual worlds… the changes are upon us.

The virtual world I live in a few too many hours a week offers me many things. If you haven’t ventured in yet you won’t understand the adjustments you might make in your life to accommodate this new social structure (like not watching TV much anymore, for instance).

However, it can also affect RL (real life) relationships, if you aren’t careful. And those who care about you may feel shut out and curious or even threatened. Recently someone came to me to perform sort of a formal “intervention” or “exorcism” against the evil (see Turner again) that lived in my laptop and distracted me from them lately. They were sure I was addicted!

Oh no….was I addicted?

And there began an Alice-in-Wonderland adventure of falling into a very interesting topic that I can’t completely cover here right now – but will over the coming weeks. Bottom line:

“The word ‘addiction’ carries with it a great deal of cultural baggage, and deciding whether a novel behaviour tied to a novel technology is an ‘addiction’ is anything but a simple matter.” -- A study of “The Psychology of MMORPGS (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-play Games).

By now, you’ve guessed I try to define things carefully, creating parameters of clarity around them. So what is “addiction:

Well, not surprisingly, the word ‘addiction’ is a very loaded topic and complicated concept and there is no way I can do it justice with the variety of people who may read this from addicts to experts.

However, the dictionary defines it as: a habit that has become impossible to break, especially one involving physical and psychological or/and physical dependence on the intake of harmful substances such as alcohol or narcotic drugs.”

So, some people become actually physically addicted to the caffeine in coffee, cola or chocolate. Some people become addicted to marijuana, which is NOT actually physically addictive, but can be psychologically addictive. Some people say they are addicted to TV, or Krispy Kream donuts, or running -- these are neither physically or psychologically addictive (well Krispy Kreams might be). What they mean to say is they REALLY like doing these things a lot.

Even, of all things, falling in love or having sex can become a kind of psychological addiction to some that can enable or disable people.

Virtual Worlds Are Unique

So where am I going with this idea? Just here: virtual worlds are a unique, unexpected social environment. They have long since topped (for Turner) the concept of games. You see in virtual worlds it is not the AV (avatar) you see, jerkily wandering around in expensive, unlikely clothing or forms, doing incredible and physically impossible things -- it is the people behind those Avs. The reality of lives parading through reasonably lifelike, complicated improvisation. It creates a new world of danger and hope and hate and love. Where real people can get really hurt or really healed or challenged or learn new things --- or fall in love.

And speaking of love….where is the great Turner?

Splash (1984) -

WHEN DID ALL THIS BEGIN ANYWAY?

THE MERMAID & ME

Recently I found a quote that gives me a warm feeling in my depth:

“A man’s love cannot be satisfied by beauty alone; you’re more than beautiful and that’s why I love you.” By Laurencio

I have no idea who Laurencio is, but do know what he said is true, true, true. Beauty fades or is damaged by time and events, even heartbreak paints lines on our faces that last forever.

There were a few significant events I lived through yesterday in my virtual world that play into this theme.

1. My previous virtual lover turned unexpectantly feral, taunting me with his new-found freedom to flaunt his attraction for others in my face to hurt me as badly as he could. It did.
2. Had a meeting with three friends all of whom are the requisite beautiful and who had dreams so big it was difficult to imagine.
3. I met a mermaid…

The Mermaid & Me

The mermaid was the final blessing for this historic-to-be marriage between the great Turner and me. It reminded me of how I got into this situation with him in the first place (Contrary to the active rumour mill, I am not with child (at least I don't think so -- /me races to the virtual pharmacy for the early pregnancy test). And, just in case you wondered what that shot gun is in the corner – that is the great Turner’s. He uses it to deal with demons, vampire and wolves that circle him too often).

Back to mermaids….In this virtual world, I can’t do many of the things that are seen as valuable in the environment. For instance,

- I do not build much of anything other than bookcases and pillows. Building in this world is as easy as assembling those little wooden blocks you get in a big bag when you are two or three years old – or like Lego). But for me it takes too much patience and is too fiddly.
- I do not have a clue how to script – write little magic spells to tell all the fiddly bits you have built how to move.

Exterior Design

But I do teach and encourage others and I “exterior decorate”.

My skills in “exterior design” come to me honestly: I remember where I shop, know how to use Search and am curious about lots of things in my virtual world. This means I go to unusual buying establishments.

So when the great Turner asked me to help him design his role-play character, I was more than ready to whisk him efficiently away to purchase his new body, his new skin, his new hair and a variety of elegant and imposing outfits for his new persona. That is all I did, honest.

So you must be asking yourself, “what does all this have to do with mermaids.” Good question. Yesterday, I am missing my new husband, but know he is out securing the bacon for a massive feed of the massed army he is assembling with others. I have steeled my heart to know I will just have to miss him and be satisfied with that. But no, he calls to me in that abrupt and so loving way of his: “Hey!”

Come To Me Now!

He tells me I need the "third blessing" and I am to come to him immediately to meet someone. So I pull on my track shoes and fly through the ether to meet him at the bottom of the ocean (no worries with breathing here). Why you ask? To meet his mermaid.

A beautiful redhead appears behind me. I turn to her and we talk. What can I do for this mermaid? She hopes first of all that we will be friends – easily done in this virtual world by exchanging “phone and email details”. Second, she want me to take her shopping. Nothing could be more fun for me. Another assignment in exterior design awaits.

Yet, it was her heart that was so appealing. Far under tons of ocean, in the still quiet of sucked in sound stood a woman with such a kind heart and inner beauty that it took me by surprise.

So today, she and I (with the great Turner in tow to carry the bags and boxes from our shopping spree) will roam the virtual world and have fun…

When Harry Met Sally

Are we having fun yet?

HAVING FUN

There are so many things to do in a virtual world to have fun.

• You can go to the zoo - see amazing animals many of whom can talk with you.
• Or you can jump off the Eiffel Tower with a parachute - highly recommended
• You can spelunk in deep and hidden caves - one sim along has over 150 to explore.
• You can go to any number of experiential museums
• You can go to a western world, a jungle world, visit the Flintstones
• You can go see or build the highest mountain or the deepest sea
• You can swim with the sharks and come out alive
• You can go to coffee shops or Bible studies or book clubs or Bard's Tales by the drum circle fire.
• You can take a class in almost anything
• You can watch the Australian Open Tennis

Or fighting is another great way to have fun in a virtual world. Take your pent up emotions out on a practice dummy that explodes and spatters blood and guts everywhere; or better yet practice on another AV (Avatar, remember?) who will fall to the ground either "unconscious" or "dead" depending on how ferocious you are.

Then there is shopping -- although you can't drop, you can shop until you would drop. Since first clocking hours in this vaporous world, actual US dollars spent per day averages around $1 million (my gowns never cost THAT much!).

You can go dancing. That is surprisingly, a very popular sport or recreation, whatever it is. There are typically matched "pose balls" -- one pink for girls and the other blue for the boys. You click on them and then you dance more beautifully than John Travolta and Olivia Newton John in that film....you remember the one with only one-word name.....

Then There is Sex

Which I suspect is what you thought I would have started with. Sex, Sex, Sex!

Now here is a world where you can:

• Have sex
• Cyber
• Mind-f...
• Type f...
• Make Love
• Whatever you wish to call the act

Having sex in a virtual world is brought to you, typically, by those pink and blue pose balls again -- and if you ever thought about the Kamasutra in your life, you can be "cyber-satisfied" in more ways than you can imagine and in more physical positions than your body can possibly assume.

You aren't in this virtual world long before someone throws you to the ground or onto a lovely silken pasha's bed and "does the dirty" with you. At one place I visited with a new "friend" they even passed out instruction booklets about how to have cyber-sex successfully. Neat! (I saved these instructions for some time when I might need them, in the future. /me winks)

The fact is and always was (thanks to Meg Ryan's very healthy demonstration in "Harry Meets Sally" above) that without a doubt sex occurs in our heads in reaction to our thinking about what our bodies are feeling or hoping to feel - whether real or imagined (think of autogenic training here!)

So how will Lady Sheridanne have fun now? Well the truth is, she will rest and then throw herself, with gusto, back into her work and new responsibilities -- so she can't remember how to have fun anymore. And if Turner is half wise he will relax and take care of business - putting RL (real life) first and know Lady Sheridanne will support him while he is away. But when he gets back perhaps he can help Lady Sheridanne slow down and have some fun.

DADDY'S LITTLE DOLLY

I loved my Dad so very much! I think that is what daughters are born for -- to love and to, of course, spoil their Daddies. I was good at my job to be certain…and he always praised me and only spanked me once that I ever remember and that was because Mommy was too angry to trust herself to do the job that day.

So I was always a good little girl, but there was one thing my Daddy used to say to me, “Dolly,” (he always called me that and I used to worry that he had long ago forgotten my real name, but didn’t have the heart to correct him) “Dolly,” he would say, “you must not take life so seriously.”

I thought of his words today as I consider this hovering concept of INTEGRITY – yes, it still hovers – frozen between two worlds – one where most is hidden and it is easy to be holding a variety of conversations and lives at the same time.

The “VIRTUAL WORLD” is a game, I am constantly told. A place to have fun. And yet, one day as I was working on an article, I had this amazing world open in a small window on my desktop. I had a paradigm shift, as, for the first time I saw real people walking on and off this ethereal stage. Not pixels – but people.

It's the People

In the realm of this world in which I live, we welcome newbies or noobs (meaning they still have skull-cap-carved plastic looking hair and painted on clothing) by telling them that it is not the lovely plants and animals and buildings they see all around them that matters, it is conversations with the people – for they are what makes OUR realm more desirable to visit and, in essence, spend their time, energies, creativity and….money in.

One of my responsibilities in this realm is as an educator and in one of my classes I teach how to be a good role player - the key, I tell everyone is always to be who you are….with some improvements. (/me smiles)

I remember my Daddy’s words again…. “Dolly you must not take life so seriously.” And I remember this virtual world is one where we are to enjoy life, to explore things we can’t hope to get around to exploring in our real life and most of all, that we are to have fun.

Fun -- something I missed too many times in my real life.

Am I having fun this week? No. There are a variety of real and virtual reasons, including: my chronic lack of sleep, my stressing over other’s peoples emotions, how things are going with my character in my realm (and the secret one I am part of) and the recent loss of a friend.

All this said, I think I forgot about fun and thought about having a stroke or something to get out of this “responsibility” of instant, “arranged” marriage to someone who wrote about himself:

“I am the kind of person that can stay up for three hours holding one piece of ice in place on you. But I am also the kind of person that can put a piece of ice on you in a certain place and walk away or a half an hour. >:) “

Amazing, today his blog site begins with a lovely and gentle video of a woman from India, singing in her native tongue the story of her life, and in the vignette she recalls her arranged marriage, where all the characters cry. And I thought, enough of this, I want to have fun! I hope it's not too late....

Adventures in Integrity Land

Well, yesterday was an eventful day for Lady Sheridanne, as she wandered aimlessly through her wondrous and wonder-filled virtual world, struggling to unravel the vexing problem that has caused her to lose sleep in her real world.

What of this marriage to the great Turner?

"He who thinks I must be obeyed" has no time for his wife, due to a variety of factors (all of which are mysterious) and she needs time with him to ensure her sanity (mentally and physically (Yes, Virginia, there is a virtual Santa Clause!)) and she needs to lean on his strength and gain his assurances right now.

Meanwhile back at the SIM (simulation for the substitute real world) where she has lived almost her entire virtual life, she is accosted by every virtual friend she has, pleading the case for the long-term love of her virtual life, who now lies in a broken heap wondering "Why?"

So she seeks council from those who are hopefully wise in these matters:

There is S: "Just do what I told you - and all your troubles would be over. (gee I sound arrogant!!)" He also told me if I need to take time, just in essence come up with the right answer - divorce."

There is R: "Well...to HELL with everyone...tis your future you know, choose with your heart."

There is Am: "You are mad from all the stress of your realm. Just divorce now and without delay, the sooner the better."

There is An: "You do what you need to do, and remove yourself from the place that you are involved in now and be with him. You show him that you made that sacrifice for him, and that you want to be with him, and I will talk to him on your behalf. But, if you chose to stay within the situation you are in, I wont allow him to be hurt - regardless of out real life issues. He is important to me. So you make a choice. You can have me stand beside you to get him back or you can leave him alone and go on doing what you are doing with people that dont care anything about you, like he too often does."

There is T: "You try to manage other people's emotions, and you forget yours. Everyone comes here to tell you how much he is hurt from you. It is just pain and guilt. Hey, you have the right to be happy and joyful. [Sheridanne Kelley: But I made the decision and everyone is mad and short with me. And they are abandoning me when I most need them.] Well they can go to hell -- even me if I do the same. You are great company for yourself. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF NOW --HE IS TRYING TO HURT YOU WITH HIS PAIN!!!!!

"Do you know why I didn't play the in-love game with you? Because I wanted you to be free. Not to fall in the trap of my emotions. If he loves you he has to accept your choice, or else he is just another one who tries to control you."

And then there is the lover himself: "Divorce and be single and we will return to things as they were."

What is a virtual woman supposed to do?

On one side there is the promised delight of her new virtual (although, always busy (are you getting the message yet?)) new husband, who by the way, questions her ability to "take out the trash" and also advises that she is to get a "street legal honeymoon" and "if she lives she might even get a wedding".

On the other is the remarkable ease of a virtual divorce, that only costs about $0.09 in US dollars and takes but one little mouse click. BTW (by the way for those not in the know) this easy and painless option automatically pops up as a greeting every time she opens the home page of the virtual world.

Back to Integrity

So, as I was writing my daily morning column, not surprisingly, the topic of INTEGRITY came up again and I had to do a word study on it. Let me share what I found about this very powerful and poorly understood word.

INTEGRITY means:

Moral excellence, honesty, wholeness, soundness, the one number (integer in Latin). Strict adherence to moral values and principles. Uprightness. The quality or state of being whole and unimpaired. Simplicity and sincerity of the heart and intention. Singleness of purpose. Truthfulness, innocence, complete, perfect, entire, genuine. All of which is fundamental to true character.

Why this Pickle?

What is Lady Sheridanne's sin? Why is she loosing sleep for a silly game? She failed to adhere to the integrity of her heart....she failed to delay her decision, so she could break the news in an honourable way to her previous suitor -- so he could argue for his rights.

So there is guilt! As well as the accusations and shock of her friends and acquaintances who know the consistency of her behaviour over time.

But she married the great Turner -- she and he said their vows in her little makeshift church in the woods -- and they said these vows from their heart and to the God they both share and revere in virtual and real life -- they are binding of the heart.

She cannot and will not and wishes not to break these vows she has taken, because she sees the awesome sanctity of them (although awaits the Turner-promised "wedding to end all weddings").

Was she in her right mind when she took these vows? Good question to be sure, but the fact remains, she promised God she would keep her vow to the great Turner and for her part, she is determined not to break them. And by this reassert her integrity.

She will lose the best friend she ever had over this. She will lose the respect of many, if not most of her friends in her realm. And maybe this is a fitting price to pay for her momentary lapse of her own personal integrity. And as the great Turner reminded her: "Life is pain, princess. Anyone else who tells you differently is trying to sell you something!"

VIRTUAL INTEGRITY

I start this blog with my most vexing issue: LOVE.

There are after a myriad of different types of love from love of chocolate to love of another person, be that a Mom or brother, a friend or lover (and no I am not intending to be a poet).

Right now I am in a dilemma: two amazing men love me! Neat problem, yes?

The problem: Well Lady Sheridanne lives in a virtual world where she thought she could be anyone she wanted to be.

Interesting concept, to enter a virtual world and have a new life. But, at it turns out this isn't the case. We are who we are and our strengths and weaknesses follow us everywhere -- no matter how far we try to run.

So Lady Sheridanne loves two men for many different reasons, with profound and mighty and surprisingly equal strength. In the virtual world she inhabits all she has to do is alter her hours and she can have both. Duplicitous though it is, the truth wills out in this world even though duplicity is a common habit of many. And whether you play in various time zones with impunity or you create different "selves" known as AVs (for Avatars for the uninitiated) you still pay the price for your wanderings.

• Can Lady Sheridanne be faithful to only one man -- knowing her own desires and needs?
• Can both men share her happily?
• Is there happiness to be found for Lady Sheridanne?
• Will the one she has not chosen ever forgive her?
• Will the one she has chosen be faithful and caring?

And what is fidelity in a virtual world anyway, that is a good question! Who is to know....well that is the issue at stake, the secrecy that lies within this pixelated world. And the carry over or not of personal integrity.

Does INTEGRITY matter in a virtual world where no one can ever know if you cheat or lie or steal or kill or maim or threaten?

Interesting questions to me.....I wonder how this will develop.

Lady Sheridanne Kelley