Towanda !!!

Henry David Theroux said most men live lives of quiet desperation. In other words they are not only bored with their lives to the point of screaming, they remain silent. Perhaps they remain silent because they have convinced themselves that like a tree falling in the woods with no one there to hear it, there really is no sound and no one will hear them scream out for mercy.

But we all know the truth of that. Just this week I posted a segment about the series of virtual disappointments Lady Sheridanne has been going through (RL & VL (real life and virtual life).

She didn’t get through them alone though….others held her hand, her head, hugged her, danced with her, gave her a massage, rushed her off to get several lattes and many explained their own victories as examples of how “hope happens” and can’t be lost.

It was a time where Lady Sheridanne could not be strong or frisky or hopeful or optimistic or positive for anyone else, let alone for herself. Lady Sheridanne is exhausted from the last four months of events and has no more strength left.

Old Friends and New

And without intending to she turned to old and new friends just for a hug or a word from them. And they came.

- The man who brought her first to Avilion, enchanting her with his Elven magic and charm to hold her and to strengthen her from his new found strengths.

- The lady who taught her about being an Ancient, who said something to the effect, that this too will pass and really doesn’t matter much in the universal scheme of things and gently threw her long, red, dread locks over her shoulder and hugged me.

- The man who made the music box that I played until the neighbors must have complained and who held me like no other in my home, came and helped me say good bye (and hopefully has found a way to save my music box for my new home).

- The man who has held her the most, through the most difficult times for the longest friendship she has ever had in her virtual life -- a great (yet lost love), came and held her and listened to her fears for the upteenth time -- and still cares

- The gentle lady who never misses a day sending me encouraging words in many ways reminded me to look to my friends over and over, repeating the lesson as if I was a slow learner (and I am) offered me more hugs than I deserve.

- My first sword teacher came and hugged me and told me how well I had learned my lessons with him and how there were more things to learn from these past events.

- And my wonderful role play husband and special, dear friend came when all the furniture was gone danced with me and held me and let me just weep and say good bye. He let me be so angry and frightened and weak and never once told me to “Buck up.” A unique gift to be sure.

That tears and raging for a bit help is self evident to us all. And those who know me, know I rarely allow myself to ever get angry at injustice at myself (although for others you must be prepared to hold me back).

Compost Treasure

For me, the culmination of these months of exhausting difficulties and personal loss became like a huge pile of compost. And the useless scraps that are tossed into that pile must be nurtured too (tears and hugs from friends do this in real life -- I know) and then, when ready the compost can be spread out in all the right places to bring forth the most lovely and healthy of blossoms (I am the Queen of Flowers and the Spring for a reason, you know).

Most of all, being so weak I could barely stand -- taught me new things about friends I sometimes rush past as I try not to be hurt again by anyone.

But I am back now -- although I never really left, I just went into neutral as I took time to remind myself that my contribution to this world and that world is unique. No one else can make it but me. And if I stop, although there are a gazillion other people out there, no one can give what I give from what I’ve learned and know and from what I have become.

Honey and More Honey

An new friend started a blog recently and I pulled off this quote by Antonio Machado that he used. It is actually what began the hard healing of my heart.

"Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt -- marvellous error!
That I had a beehive here inside my heart.
And the golden bees were making white combs
And sweet honey from my old failures."

But most of all a friend, lying in a stable manger offered me the final set of building blocks to begin preparing the compost. (Thank you as always for being my Muse).
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How to be the strong one (TBS)

1. Keep a sense of humour
2. Remember, that its not your life - its someone elses
3. Have faith in something, even if its only yourself
4. Expect pain
5. Sacrifice yourself if it helps. Otherwise, play for keeps
6. Stay heads down even if everyone is going crazy.
7. Kiss away tears
8. Grab the back of the wrist, not the front. You won't get cut
9. Be willing to fight the crowd
10 What they're saying about the people they love, is really about themselves
11. Protect all children but teach them and play with them more
12. Make lists, even things that are soulbound.
13. Plan the work
14. Work the plan
15. Pain is weakness leaving the body
16. Lance Armstrong Rocks

"There is no limit to what a man can achieve as long as he doesn't care who get's the credit". - Bob Woodruff. (Coca Cola Corporation).
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I mixed in too many illustrations you are thinking…well you are right, but they symbolise the many, many gifts I have received. You see, although I absolutely refuse to open my Christmas presents early, this year I was tricked into, not only receiving the presents early, I was tricked into opening and using them early too.

Many have helped me during this time and I have not mentioned you all, but you know I am grateful anyway and I owe you a long, Lady Sheridanne, special hug. The one that makes you relax and results in giggles. Remember?

So I am humbled and I am healing and I am strong again, but wiser hopefully and thanks to each one of you for your patience and your love for me. Thank you and happy holidays (whatever they mean for you). For me….well this has already been a most memorable holiday!