What is it?

Is life a game or a play or a poem or just a gift?

Sometimes it is all of those things blended together at once to me; at other times it is just one of those, but it is all I have -- this life (first or virtual).

Carla just lost her Dad and will likely lose her Mom soon, too. And she is trying to make lists now to be sure she doesn't forget anything while she sits a bit numb trying to look normal and competent. She wants to go home and take her two boys and be supported by her dear husband, but the costs are so high for them to fly together and they were, thankfully home just less than a year ago. So she will go alone and walk alone and she will survive this with others of her large and warm family.

Recently she grew concerned when I did not waken as usual -- at like 3AM -- to start my day, and did not answer my phone (had left it in another room). She sent me an email to me finally and I called her right away to thank her for her concern and to let her know I was simply exhausted. Our conversation was a rare one (nowadays everyone seems too busy for family, even for our meals together in the evening); and it was a very precious one because, for me it was the first time in ages I realised she would miss me as much as I would miss her if we weren't friends. And the big thought for me was: this is life and I will lose it one day.

All we have are those we love and who love us and ... how precious is that! And if we are wise we will make lists, and bustle about ticking things off. We will kiss and hug those we love as if we may never see them again -- each time.

For me, I will try to build into the lives of others and leave my legacy of words in their keeping. And perhaps, just perhaps some will miss me. Many won't remember me. But in this way I will have had a rich life from those who have touched me with their ideas and their energy and their faith and their love.

You know who you are!

True Friends

“A friend,” said John Milton, “is a person with whom I may be myself.” When I first heard that I got all choked up inside because in any world whether real or virtual there are few we find like that in our lifetimes.

My Dad used to tell me (who was reasonably popular in all my endeavours) that I would be rich if I had just five, real, true friends in my lifetime. Funny, he was so old to me when he shared that his wisdom seemed to be discounted by the number of wrinkles he had on his face.

Now that I have a couple of well-earned wrinkles (just a very few, very tiny laugh lines mind you) around my eyes….I can see how he was right. Wish he was still around for me to tell him thank you for sharing his wisdom with such a contrary daughter.

Carla

Today, my best friend, Carla, returned to the house after taking the boys to school to tell me her Dad had passed away last night (too late to wake the rest of the household). I was in the middle of five virtual conversations at the time. I sent quick messages to everyone and just closed them all down without waiting for a reply.

Real life ALWAYS comes first.

I went downstairs to hug her and just be with her in the kitchen as she lovingly, and like always, chose to make breakfast for us. I made the toast.

As I buttered each warm piece of the toasted rye bread, I thought of how difficult things have been for me lately in the virtual world and how sad it has been for me to lose friends I thought of as close family. Yet, here in our kitchen stood one of the best friends I have EVER had in my ENTIRE life and we hadn’t shared much in weeks -- as we both rushed around with out respective duties.

We live in Sydney and her family is almost all still living in Jamaica, so going home for her has been pretty much not even considered. Her Dad had had his stroke about five months ago and her Mom just had a stroke a few weeks ago and has been back in the hospital for the last week trying to stabilise. I am hoping she will go home, but we will see.

In the meantime it got me to thinking of how close I felt and had grown to a few specific people in the virtual world too; and how amazingly grateful we can be for good and authentic friendships wherever we find them.

My Dad never lived to imagine a virtual world, but if he had he would likely have to change his maxim to say something like: “If you can find five special friends in both the real world and in the virtual world in your lifetime, you are doubly blessed.”

In my profile one of the words I live by says: Live today as if you knew it was the last day of the rest of your life. If you do that, you will probably want to call or write or IM or hug a friend wherever you may find one. Because, you may never get another chance to do this – life just passes too quickly.

A Meal

All hills and gullies
Mounds and little mountains
You rise up early
In the night
In dreams so real
That sleep and waking
Meet, dissolve and blur

A sacrament you are
Made of salt
And tasting not unlike
cinnamon or soda water
As I pull you to me.

A meal you are
A meal you make of me.

We devour one the other
As though we were
some hungry giants
having fasted
all the winter
hungry now for spring

I see no end
To this stored-up appetite
This emptiness
That only loving
Up and down a lifetime
Will fill up

But I have wished too much
Or just enough
To bring you here
Almost to the final step


One meter gone
Or one mile away
You are
Just out of reach now
Or too near
To make perspective work

Tis the Season

Tis the season to be jolly, to share fun with people, to make a decision between buying a real tree or once more pull out the artificial tree with the pretty fibre-optic lights embedded in the branches, saving you time in decorating. And deciding between cooking a traditional Christmas dinner or remembering that it will likely be over 35 degrees C (100 degrees F) with bush fires raging rather than snow to shovel.

This year it promises to be a strange Christmas in the virtual world. Last year as I wandered through the pixelated virtual world I entered (over a year ago), I found it so much fun. It was filled with leaving secret gifts with friends and singing Christmas Carols with lots of strangers who became friends, passing out platters of warm cookies and milk and tea and coffee and going ice skating and skiing in the only place that had snow and ice last year.

But this year, snow and ice are all the rage in the virtual world. But what is different this year is that I am losing my home in the realm I have lived in for almost all the time I have been in the virtual world. What a sad Christmas present.

I have also resigned my responsibilities in my home realm. Worst of all, my friends there no longer even feel free or comfortable to speak with me. Heartbreakingly, some even believe lies that have followed me, unjustly for ages (that I have foolishly ignored thinking I would be cleared and vindicated of these suspicions). I love my home realm so much, and learned to work under many challenges there to help make it safer and more fun for residents and visitors alike. But it doesn’t matter now. I made enemies too and they have worked their hardest to hurt me, so I wish them a satisfied Christmas.

Where Did The FUN Go?

But for me, where are the people to trust or have fun with? I haven't written or recited a poem at a poetry reading for ages or sparred with my sword or pulled out my bow for anything more than an accessory. No teaching, no building...what is happening to my life in the virtual world?

So many of the people I care about have left the virtual world or been banned from one Sim (realm) or another! I am not sure what to do for Christmas in the virtual world (Christmas was so lovely there last year).

So I purpose(d) to throw a big Christmas party – oh no, forgive me, to be politically correct, I must call it a tree-lighting party. But it is likely few, if any, will show up anyway -- as just getting permission to have the party has been very controversial. So I am just wrestling with what to do.

For me personally and virtually, it has been a year of loss since August starting with the loss of my virtual, very frisky and creative husband/partner. Then my real life Dad, died and I couldn’t even go home to be with the family. Then my resignation from my responsibilities in my virtual home realm. Now, controversy over my role play husband in another virtual realm and many betrayals of my trust. For me, right now, there seems to be only a very few friends left I can trust.

Daddy, Iago & the Ruler

Actually, my Dad told me once that if you lived your life and had five real friendships you were a rich person. I was nineteen when he imparted this bit of “foolish” wisdom to me. I thought it was the silliest thing I had ever heard. I mean I was involved in lots of activities and a cheerleader too. What could he know of real life?

But over the years, I noticed, as we all do (if we are growing wiser), that for every year I grew older, my Dad grew wiser in my understanding. He was right…five good friends would be an immeasurable treasure in either the virtual world or the real world!

And Iago was also right. Iago, my most wonderful love in the virtual world, lost forever because of intrigue, politics and amazing lies. He told me to trust no one – NO ONE -- in the virtual world, because anyone can create an alternate identity. That person can be appealing and kind and seem to care about you. You can grow to trust them and pour your heart out to them and they only exist to betray you and grind you into the dust. How can you live in the virtual world knowing this?

And the ruler of my home realm was also right when he told me he thought I was burned out and needed to take a break and go find some fun and live more in the virtual realm as well as the real realm. (Thank you for that, m'Lord.)

Wake-up Call

This morning in real life, I slept in till 5:04 AM. The latest I have slept in since first entering my virtual home realm (where I averaged easily six hours a day seven days a week) for almost a year. I found it so strange to be awake and find the sun just peeping over the bay (I would rise extra early to get my hours in, usually before 3 AM when it is very dark out). I forgot how pretty the sunrise was.

I was very tired you see because yesterday I enjoyed going Christmas shopping with the two loves of my real life (the 13-year old and the 7-year old) and taking them to see the sweet and recommendable movie, “Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium”, with Dustin Hoffman.

It was lovely. I hope to write a blog segment around one of the lines in the movie: "Your life is an occasion, so rise to it!" What a great idea. Perhaps this is the introduction.