The Great Song

Told by Aule to the Noldor

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Nerdanel asks, “My lord Aule, do you know any stories that will strengthen our hearts?”

AULE shifts the drum pattern again... a twinkle in his eye and a quirky smile on his face and he laughs out loud, “oh, heavens.......there was a part of the Great Song.... near the beginning. Wait, you know what I am talking about? The Great Song? Ainulinalë, in Quenya?

Ah.... then I shan't pay attention to the teaching, but the stor. As I said, then, there was a part near the beginning of the Great Song where it seemed that the music simply became a driving rhythm and that all of us, Valar and Maiar, and even the heart of The One, seemed to hold the great theme in suspension... like the glow of a distant light that is still beneath the horizon... pregnant with anticipation. And while this one note hung in space... the rhythm....

AULE plays a simple pattern on the drums... ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

And the melody had paused, but the song became... simply .... how to say this... "a will to become"? The rhythm, however, didn't stay the same. We built it by pieces from the root up..... ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪ making each line more complex than the last... ♫♪r♫♫♪r and... while is was exciting as it built... my people... the Maia who I loved... each began to riff, improvise and whirl wildly with the unfolding tattoo....♫....♪♫å♪♫...

They were not always in time. Sometimes it was a battle, I think, which meter would be the one that prevailed. But that battle was only a variation against a variation of the driving pulse that under grid the Great Song.... .♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪

Then the song, of course, went far beyond that...in time... but that one moment, we understood something - that each different drummer -- whether he played a tabor or a kettle or pattered with light feet or clapped their hands -- truly was playing both what was in their own hearts AND what The One had given them to play.

AULE pauses speaking as the drum he plays talks.... ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♪...

Your feet... your hands.... you heart.... your lips..... have their own song to proclaim. And that song may not harmonize with every other song around you... but, in a short time.... the songs and beats unite creating, in variation against variation, deeper harmony. And back then, when the Great Song was the wild whirling of the unformed world... we each simply played what we had and let our ears guide us to harmony... .♫ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♫....

AULE laughs.

I suppose that is the end of that story.....but I have to remind myself.... whenever I see to Elves or two Fae at odds....they are only singing the songs they have... and that harmony will result when they hear each other.

He Said, She Said. The Truth.

I hate arguing and hate the thought of trying to defend myself and those who actually know me understand this. I grew up in an abusive family and am well trained to never argue or talk back; to only listen and apologise – to promise never to do that again….whatever “that” is. So for me writing is the way I can express my concerns.

I’m not sure this makes sense in a virtual world where you can be suspect just because of the way you “assemble” the looks of your AV or the way you can spell or cast a phrase or the speed at which you cast that phrase.

In my virtual world I have many good friends and after my dad passed away (RL real life) and the departnering with the “cursed one” epic (VW virtual world) of my life, I began to isolate myself. And one of my dear friends, in fact my first real friend in a new land, came to me and asked me to be gentle on myself now and not to enter into any serious-looking relationships, but to take time to heal and to recover and to have some fun.

So I enjoyed the grand Faire and I enjoyed spending time with old friends and new people. I helped with old and new tasks, I built a memorial garden and went about the work I was given with focus and peace. It was pretty neat actually for someone who had been averaging way too many hours on the virtual world. I even began to get some rest and to have dreams.

Mistaken Identity

Then I met someone from my past (who I thought was the “long lost true love of my virtual life” -- If you're in world check my Picks.). I was so excited I forgot my friend’s warning about no new relationships for awhile. And now I am living with a new whirlwind sweeping around me, threatening to drown me and causing me grief and pain.

Yet this new person-of-mistaken-identity (who I did confess my mistaking of his identity to the moment I realised it, as well as sharing this realisation immediately with our leader, in the event he would take action of his own consideration) was being very kind and seemed so sincere and so supportive. And it was wonderful to relax and enjoy time together with someone who seemed to want to take care of things with me for awhile.

It soon became apparent, however, that he wanted every moment of my virtual time in world. If he didn’t get it he insisted on knowing who I was with and what I was doing. Even if I was in a “family role play” he would pull me away wanting to have me to himself alone.

Once as I was leasing a property to someone, he even tracked me down and came to confront, and then threaten the person, which to me seemed like an unreasonable action and certainly one I had not asked him to take. He refused to listen and I had to take action to protect the other person. To others the man-of-mistaken-identity now accuses that by this action it proves I was harbouring and protecting the “cursed one” from him by banning him from this place.

Peaceful Withdrawal

Like a gentle coitus interruptus, this man-of-mistaken-identity offered many times to “leave me in peace at just my word”. He would, he promised, “disappear without a trace never to bother me again”, the same awful and confusing threat the “cursed one” made to control me too.

Strange how many times the man-of-mistaken-identity made that promise and yet now it seems others are aware of his perspective that I wronged him. It hurts because I have, as I habitually do, tried not to hurt him and to handle this privately, at my own expense.

He now accuses me of abuse and cohorting with the identified enemy – the “cursed one” What has this man-of-mistaken-identity been seeking all this time? He accuses me of unfaithfulness (which is not true, but not relevant because we were only role play husband and wife in one realm - not in the VW or RW)!

Why should it matter so to anyone what is happening in the private lives of two virtual entities? Is this still what I inherit from the past epic with the “cursed one”?

Carrying Our Words

A great deal of cutting and pasting of words out of context seems to be going on (see earlier Blog segment on “Carrying Our Words”), as he sent our private words to those he argues his case with. Others send me his words to accuse me or vindicate me, as they see fit.

It is too hard to read them for fear they will not be accurate (having lost my great love over “doctored” I.M.s (internal private and confidential messages in the virtual world)) and they were part of our private conversations. It is like wire-tapping and then playing someone's phone conversations!

To my regret, I did send one conversation to only one person, asking for complete confidentiality, as I asked him to help me know how to better deal rightly with the man-of-mistaken-identity. And this has been used against me, even though no one should ever have known about it except this one person and myself!

Every Word Kept

I can, having had training in this way, pull every word uttered to me in private and open conversation from this man-of-mistaken-identity -- and did last night pull up all the (private) conversations in the thought that I would try to vindicate myself with the same weapon that seems to be being used against me.

There were 532 pages of private conversations since 22 October, when the man-of-mistaken-identity first entered my new realm life! And 36 pages of SKYPE chat! And that is after deleting the “more private” conversations.

But how could I choose a representative conversation or two to demonstrate what it felt like to me to feel possessed and stalked by someone who believed they loved me and couldn’t be in world without being right beside me at all times? Every conversation, might contain words, but the increasing intensity could not be felt. The conversations would all, therefore, be out of context.

600 Pages of Evidence?

Tell me who would read almost 600 pages to feel the discomfort and eventual fear for his safety and for my own? No one! This is a game not a trial!

And then the questions from the inquisitors,

“How did he abuse you?”

Answer, “He never abused me, he overwhelmed me and suffocated me.”

“Who is this person? Is he an alt of the ‘cursed one’?”

Answer to this frequently-asked-of-me question: “No.”

“Why do you comment on the ‘cursed one’s’ blog site?”

Answer: “I comment on many blog sites and did not realise my out of world, occasional comments would be of relevance.”

Over and over questions from this person and that person. Is it any wonder I don’t want to go in world?

In my other realm something like this would NEVER happen publicly but would be handled discretely behinnd the scenes -- even if not always the way anyone would like. Yet, no one but the specific parties would be involved. It would not be subjected to a public pillorying by people who neither have all the facts or seem to consider there are many facets to any situation. (Although I must commend at least three people for trying to search out facts rather than base their conclusions on opinions.)

More Pain & Loss

The fact remains, the man-of-mistaken-identity was lovely when he wasn’t pushing and stalking and insisting on possessing me -- especially when I was still in such a fragile state.

He has a right to his view of this situation as unfair and/or wrong. I know I began to grow desperate and more strong with my communications with him as time went by. He offered to step away in peace, yet, as many of his statements, they do not seem to be fulfilled in actions.

I found reading through so many of our earlier conversations heart-breaking. I did care for him a great deal. But needed time, as my dear friend told me all along. Yet had this man-of-mistaken-identity not taken such increasingly strong action with me and then such drastic and conclusive action secretly, he is certainly someone I could have grown content with.

Yet all my begging for his indulgence of my hesitation fell on dead ears, if ever so enthusiastic and eager ears. Ears so determined to convince me "right now" was the only "when". Those I turned to for wisdom and support and advice also tried to help, and for that I am grateful that they cared enough to try.

Bottom line: I am weary of the unnecessary drama caused by this. There is always my side, his side and the truth. No one but God can know the pure truth. I was fearful of his love and devotion. He was convinced I was "the one" and could not wait. The truth is it does take two to tango and two to tangle. But now, I just want to get on with my virtual life….!

French Kissing

You know what I’m finding? If I get a little more sleep, I can remember my dreams! And last night I had a dream for the first time since I last reported one to you. And this one was, as so often happens, strange and curious and filled with lessons.

I was with a man who could only speak French (I always love that accent) and we were walking along together and he put his arm around me and I was fine with that and we went see a movie and he reached over and gently pulled me toward him in the dark to kiss me.

He put his tongue in my mouth (remember when before you experienced good French kissing and it sounded so very yukkie?) and his tongue was narrow rather than wide and he kissed me and kissed me and it was wonderful, until I kissed him back. That was a mistake, because two things happened…one his cultural upbringing and education went into over drive (as did his hormones) and the clarity of his communications began to blur for me as I realised and feared the “translation” to my kissing him back. (Needless to say I woke up abruptly!)

And I thought what a perfect example that is for the dialogue we engage in with others in the real world and the virtual world.

9 Reasons Communications Succeed

I spoke of the seven reasons communications fail in an earlier blog article and now wonder why they succeed. Hummm

1. Clear understanding of definitions
2. Appreciation for cultural differences
3. Interest in the topic
4. Appropriating necessary time
5. Organising communication
6. Word choice
7. Listening
8. Emotional content
9. Listening

Definitions

Clear understanding of definitions seems rather basic, but yesterday (for example) in my virtual world I was late to a discussion group and when I arrived there was no clue as to what the topic was, so I listened. Finally I asked and was told it was “the meaning of life”. I listened more and just couldn’t engage until I took a moment to look up the word “meaning” in the dictionary, because that seemed to be where the discussion was stalled. Once the meaning of the word was clear, the discussion could actually go further in that direction.

Culture

When you think about it, the little story about the French kisser brings clarity to the understand and appreciation of cultural difference. If you ever go to Japan, for instance, and you are an American, you will easily realise there is a spacial difference to communication (in America the distance between two people speaking averages around a meter or three feet, that distance closes between Japanese to about one foot because of their cultural difference). This can be offputting because an American may see this closeness as threatening or may simply prepare for a French kiss.

Interest

Interest in the topic is rather clear as well. If you want to talk about the Democratic Party activities of an upcoming election with me you will find I have other interests as I would if you wanted to speak of Euclidean mathematical theories or for that matter maths in general.

Time

Both in my real life and my virtual life I am too guilty of not stopping long enough to actually have an indepth conversation. You must stop and make time to listen and comment and listen and discuss and listen, etc., otherwise you never hear the end fo the story (Lady Sheridanne writes this down on an index card and pastes it up on her desk to remind herself).

Organisation

Someone recently said they enjoyed reading my blog because I organised my writing and thinking in a logical way that flowed. Well that is what we need to do when we talk with people. How many times have you been in a conversation with someone, get all excited about something (like going to a romantic sky box for a little French kissing) only to find out they left out the most important fact early in their conversation, (that you are not the object of their affection – someone else is)? Well perhaps you can think of a better explanation, I am still thinking about that kiss frankly.

Words

The thirteen-year old in my life who hopes to be an author and writer like me, takes great pains to scour the dictionary to find the most fancy-dancy, obscure, difficult to pronounce and spell words for really simple stuff. If communication is what you hope to achieve, then communicate. If you want to impress someone with your erudition, then erudite alone….

Listening

Two ears and one mouth – the mathematical ratio is pretty trustworthy. We learn heaps about talking and writing, but almost nothing about listening. One of the courses I have written and facilitate is on customer service. Nothing is more important to customers feeling good about you than when they think you are listening -- so I have a vareity of exercises and information in the course about listening. Most are amazed at how poor they are at listening. This is related to time and word choice….well actually to all of the above and the two below.

Emotion

Thirty-seven percent of our message person-to-person comes through the tone of our voice, our pitch and inflection….so how we say things helps us communicate better or worse. And nothing is worse than trying to talk when you are emotional (unless it is shouting for joy when Ohio State wins their game or you are having a lovely French kiss (in which case words probably won’t be appropriate anyway). But you know what I mean. When you are angry people can hear it even if you have that quiet, icy calm in your anger or you tend to let it all out.

Listening

Finally, the key to the best communication: LISTENING. Oh did I say that one already? Well you know the formula: two ears and one mouth.

Virtual Communication

Strangely enough all nine apply within the virtual world, in fact some apply more strongly, so be wise about this.

I have been shouted at, romanced, threatened, courted, dismissed, thanked, ordered about in the virtual world. I have been insulted, lied about and French kissed in the virtual world. Interesting all feel about the same as when it happens in the real world (except French kissing, of course). So be careful, it’s a jungle out there!!